| Copyright © 2004, Jan
Janssen Reviews For LOVING BEN by Jan Janssen Blue Ribbon Rating: 5 "Loving Ben grabs you from word one! This story is filled with love, passion and even a bit of mystery. Jan Janssen brings her characters to life with excellent details and a stimulating story. This is a timeless tale of love, loss and of finding one another again. This was my first story by Jan Janssen and I can guarantee it will not be my last!" Reviewed By Jaym "Loving
Ben is a remarkable story. Jan Janssen did a great job at creating characters
that you can relate to. As you see the yearning and desire between them,
you hope that Ben and Katherine can find a way to overcome the past.
The reader waits anxiously to see whether they can admit all the things
they have kept secret so they can hopefully forgive and start fresh.
Loving Ben is my first Jan Janssen story. I'm looking forward to reading
more books by this author!" Four Hearts From The Romance Studio! "Jan Janssen weaves an all-too-real story of love with all the common misunderstandings, and failures to communicate. Ben is a super-dynamic character with a past that haunts him, along with a successful career that can never make up for what he has lost. Kat is strong and emotional with her own misgivings and mistakes. A great story for everyone that has not had a romance go as smoothly as one would hope, but in the end the love shared makes up for all the heartache." Reviewer: Sara Sawyer "This is my first opportunity to read a book by Jan Janssen, but I will definitely look for her work again. Her ability to give these characters such an intense connection after such a brief affair is incredible. Her take on an age old storyline was different and refreshing. Ben was my favorite character, his honestly and helplessness where Kat was concerned made me love him all the more. Read Loving Ben and before you know it, you will love him too." Reviewed by Jennifer Ray for The Road to Romance THREE AND A HALF HEARTS "...........Jan Janssen has done it again. This contemporary romance has it all. Love, pain and a mystery to boot!.....This reviewer enjoyed this contemporary book and was captivated by the story, after the first few paragraphs.....The question remains with this book; will Kat and Ben work out their pain and find their way back to each other?" --Reviewed by Dawn at Loves Romances Sizzling
Romances gave it Four Flames! Rating:
5 Cups Sample Chapter For LOVING
BEN by Jan Janssen
“I won’t do it and you can’t make me.” The childish words were out before Katherine could stop them. She glanced up in time to see a surprised expression on Peter’s face. Besides, it wasn’t true. Peter could make her do the interview. He was her boss. Katherine hoped he would be more of a friend and not push her. “I’m sorry, Peter. That was a dumb thing to say. It’s just…” Peter Leeds studied the flush that rose on Katherine’s cheeks. The outburst was definitely not her. But then, she hadn’t been herself since returning to work a month ago. The disappearance of her sister six months earlier had hit her hard. Followed closely by a serious bout of ‘flu, she’d been left a shadow of her former self. It worried him. “I know.” Her editor’s voice was laced with sympathy. “You’ve had a rough time, between Anna’s vanishing act and your own health problems.” He reached across the table and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Katherine accepted the gesture in the spirit it was intended. Peter was a friend of her father’s and nearly as old. In fact, with her parents retired to Florida for the winter, he was almost a surrogate father to her at times. She could come to him with most problems and he would help her thrash them out. But she had never confided in him over Ben. Thank God! “Are you sure you can’t do this interview for me with Ben Forrester?” There it was again. That name. “What’s the matter, Kat?” “Nothing. It’s just…I haven’t heard from Ben since Anna disappeared.” She glanced at him curiously. “How did you find out where he was?” She had tried to track him down herself with no success. And now Peter had found him just like that. “We powerful editor types have our ways,” Peter said with a teasing grin. Katherine answered with a weak one of her own. “I know he’s been making a name for himself in the wildlife photography field.” She couldn’t do this interview. So why was she asking? “He’s been ‘incommunicado’ for nearly a year. We heard he’s planning a gallery showing sometime this summer, so we’d like to get all the dirt on that and do a profile on him. His agent said he was willing.” “I find that hard to believe.” As a photojournalist, Ben had always been notoriously camera shy himself. When Peter looked at her with his quizzical expression, her face reddened again. “Forget I said that. But I think I’ll pass on this assignment.” Let Peter think it was mutual dislike that prompted her decision. She knew the real reason. “Come on.” Peter switched to his most persuasive voice and put that pleading puppy dog look into his eyes. She hated it when he did that. Oh heck. She could do it. All she had to do was forget she and Ben had any kind of past. But was she that good an actress? Peter was still looking at her with the woeful puppy eyes when she surrendered. “You win. But for the record, I’d rather not see Ben. Now or ever.” “That’s ridiculous, Katherine Mary MacCrae!” Peter said with mock sternness. “You know Ben will probably be as happy as a clam to see you. At least it won’t be some stranger invading his space.” Somehow, Katherine couldn’t picture Ben being as happy as a clam, ever, especially not at seeing her. “So, let’s get down to business.” Peter’s cheerful voice dragged her back to his office. “The cabin Ben is staying in is off some lonely highway in Northern Ontario. Waaaay up there.” To Peter, anything north of Toronto was way up there. To her too, come to think of it. “I’ll write down the directions and email them to you in the morning.” He rose from his desk with a mischievous grin on his face. “So go home and pack sweetie, and pack good. I hear it hit 20 below up there last night and there’s still enough snow to make skiers cry tears of joy.” He whisked her through the door. “Have fun, Kat. Stay and have a little vacation when you’re done. Send the story, then relax. I’ll see you when I see you.” He gave her a brief fatherly hug, since the office was deserted, and patted her hand, suddenly a little more serious. “Pardon my bluntness Katherine, but if an old family friend can’t say it who can? You look like hell. Is there something you want to get off your chest?” He stared at her questioningly. Peter meant well. And more than anything, she could use a shoulder to wail on, but she had made up her mind there would be no more weeping. She intended to stick to it. So she returned Peter’s friendly pat on the hand and pasted on a tiny smile. “I’m fine. Just not one hundred percent after that last run in with the ‘flu. Maybe I will take a vacation, after I’m done with Ben.” “You do that. Now get going, and enjoy all that snow.” Peter entered his office with a wistful expression on his face. Peter was a skier. Katherine returned to her own office in double quick time. Grabbing her coat and purse, she escaped from the building as if the hounds of hell were after her. When Peter had mentioned Ben Forrester’s name, her heart leapt into her throat. Damn! When would it ever stop doing that? Somehow, she found herself seated on the proper subway home. As she waited for her stop, she stared blindly at her reflection in the blackened window. Her heart felt heavy now that she didn’t have to put on a show for Peter, and her eyes focused inward, on the face of the man she’d first met over a year ago. It was a face that had once been very important to her. She vividly remembered the thick auburn hair and lush lashes rimming sky blue eyes, as if she had seen them only yesterday. She also remembered what it felt like to grasp that dark head, twine her fingers in the springing hair and draw the owner down to— A helpless moan escaped her. She had to get a grip on herself! She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to eliminate the image of Ben. When she opened them again, her stop was rushing toward her. As the train squealed to a halt, she made for the sliding doors and the cloaking darkness of the night. It was a quick two blocks in the fine rain to her apartment where she closed the door with a sigh of relief. For a brief moment, she felt safe from the thoughts and feelings pursuing her. It was an illusion. What she was running from was in the room with her. Memories. Memories that were threatening to wash over her with the force of a tidal wave. Peter would be astounded if he knew the emotions he had started churning inside Katherine with the mention of a name. The dam that held them back had a dangerous crack in it, and it was getting wider by the minute. Shaking her head in denial, she switched on the living room light. The inviting warmth it spread around the room was lost on Katherine. She moved like a zombie into her bedroom, shedding damp clothing as she went. She needed the regenerating heat of a long, hot shower. As she stepped under the stinging spray, remembrance of another shower, taken what seemed a lifetime ago, returned. The dam burst. Suddenly, all the old feelings washed over her and took control. With the memories came tears. Tears she thought she had finished crying long ago. * * * Later that night, Katherine lay quietly in bed, eyes dry, feelings tightly leashed. Giving in to them wasn’t the answer. Peter wanted her to do this interview for him and she had agreed. But, with Ben.....their history was complicated. Kat groaned aloud. This was her job she was thinking of tossing aside. The most important thing in her life…now. Hell no! She’d go up to that little cabin in the bush, do her story and hightail it home to Toronto, where she belonged. With luck, Ben would never have to know how hard it was to face him again. And he’d never discover the effect he obviously still had on her. * * * The next morning a feeling of dread filled her the moment she awoke. The temptation to phone Peter and cancel the whole thing was strong. Hanging onto the resolve of the night before, she scrambled out of bed. Crossing the plush carpet, she peered through the blinds at the window, taking in the gray misery of the day. The small snowbanks piled here and there in the yards below looked dingy and depressing. She definitely needed a change of scene. She stuck her tongue out at the dreary weather then let the blind snap back into place. Lord knew, she was sick of Toronto. She padded across the room to an antique lingerie dresser and plunged her hand through a jumble of silk underwear in the top drawer, coming up with a no-nonsense white cotton pair. As she drew them out, her hand brushed against a crumpled piece of paper lodged in the crack of the drawer. She stared at it blindly for a minute before freeing it and smoothing it out. She’d squirreled the note away there long ago, refusing to entertain the notions it purported, but unable to dismiss them completely by tossing it away. Now, she studied the damning words written by an unknown hand. Could they be true? Maybe she could accomplish two goals with this trip. She could find out what the rest of the world wanted to know about Ben Forrester, and satisfy her own questions at the same time. As a plus, there was always the interview she’d have when she was done. She picked up her oversized purse from the floor beside her bed, and slid the rumpled note inside. Dressing hastily, she headed for the kitchen and breakfast. With slightly burned toast and a cup of lukewarm instant coffee, Katherine sat down at the Queen Anne desk in the living room and booted up her computer. The email from Robert was there, as promised. It contained directions, and was full of admonishments about working too hard and her need for a vacation. Peter never gave up! * * * “Gordon, I told you I didn’t want to do this interview right now. Why aren’t you listening to me?” Ben stood tautly in the phone booth, one clenched fist pressed against his hip. His raised voice caught the momentary attention of a passerby, who glanced quickly at him before continuing on his way. “Calm down, Ben.” Gordon Kane’s voice came soothingly over the wire. “It’s not the end of the world.” “Says who?” Ben shot back. “It could be the end of my shooting schedule! I’m in the middle of trying to get some dicey photographs. You know that. I don’t have time to answer a bunch of stupid questions from some citified journalist, or keep him entertained while he’s here. Forget it!” “I can’t forget it, I’ve already given a commitment to TODAY’S LIFE magazine, on your behalf. They’re expecting an interview. Their reporter is already on his way.” Ben’s blood froze at the mention of TODAY’S LIFE. “Who is it?” he demanded. “I don’t know. They hadn’t made a decision when I last talked to them. Don’t pass this up Ben. You have that gallery showing coming up in Toronto and this article will be good publicity for you and your work. You’ve been out of the public eye for a long time now.” “By choice!” Ben cut in. “Yeah. I know. But doing this interview will help refresh people’s memories. In a good way, hopefully. With all the rumors that have been circulating, they don’t know what to think. There’s speculation that you’ve cracked up, or kicked the bucket—or worse.” “What rumors?” The apprehension in Ben’s voice was apparent. “I can’t get into that right now.” Gordon was being evasive. “Anyway, I squashed anyone I heard repeating them. Ben, just say you’ll do the interview, as a personal favor to me. Do I ever ask anything of you?” Now Gordon was whining. Anything to get his own way. “Only fifteen percent of everything I make.” Ben knew when he was out-maneuvered. He didn’t want to do it, but his friend and agent did have a point. It would help with the gallery showing. “Okay.” Ben capitulated. “ Have it your way. I suppose you’re only trying to earn that fifteen percent.” “You know it, buddy.” Gordon’s voice was laced with glee. “Anyway, this guy is driving up from Sudbury today, so it’s lucky you called. Otherwise, he might have been stranded. I wish to hell you’d get a phone out at that God-forsaken joint, or buy a damn cell phone!” “It’s not my joint, Gordon. And I don’t like phones. Besides, the idea of this writer being stranded is appealing. I’m sorry I called.” He was about to hang up when Gordon’s voice yelled over the wire. “Pick him up around 5:30 p.m. at the junction of the highway and the main street. Ben? Ben?” Ben left his agent talking to the dial tone. Jerking open the door of the phone booth, he stepped out onto the icy sidewalk. What lousy timing. He was just beginning to get his life back in order. But he needed more time. Not interviews and questions. Time. Great! Now it looked like the world was about to close in on him again. He shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his faded jeans and strode back to his truck. Climbing inside, he sat staring morosely out the windshield. People came and went, bundled up in their winter clothing, like Charlie Brown out to play. He barely noticed. TODAY’S LIFE Every time he heard the name an image raced through his mind. An image of a tall, statuesque woman, brown eyes flashing, head thrown back in laughter, deep red hair cascading down her back. Katherine. Ben’s hands clenched the steering wheel in a death grip. Was she still working for TODAY’S LIFE? So what if she was? It wouldn’t be her. She wouldn’t come within two hundred miles of him, after the way he’d ducked out on her almost six months earlier. He’d had quite a while to regret his own vanishing act, hard on the heels of Anna’s. But he’d left for Kat’s sake, as well as his own. He was in no mood to face the innuendoes, the whispers that eddied around them. Touching Katherine, or turning to her would have been the biggest mistake of all. Of course, then there was the fact that she hadn’t wanted him. So he’d had little choice but to drop out of her life. She’d made no effort to seek him out. She obviously hadn’t cared enough to try, and his own guilt had held him silent. But just thinking about her was still enough to cause a leap of excitement inside him. Ruthlessly, he attempted to shove the mental picture of her from his mind. He glanced at his watch as he started up the truck. Four-fifteen. Lot’s of time to pick up the food and supplies he would need for the next two weeks, before his rendezvous at the turn-off. * * * The small clock on the dash read five o’clock. Half an hour to Ben. The three-hour drive had passed quickly. The short flight from Toronto to Sudbury had been strictly routine. The rental car Peter had arranged for her was waiting at Sudbury’s small airport. All she’d had to do was sign for it and get directions to the main highway. She watched carefully through the window of the little blue Neon, as she pushed the accelerator to the floor. She had plenty of time, but she didn’t know the area and she didn’t want to get lost. The road was clear, but there were still three-foot high snow banks along the shoulders. Katherine looked out over the pristine white fields that rushed by her. Everything was untouched and peaceful, so different from the dirty remnants of winter she had left behind. Just then it began to snow. Fat, white flakes whispered down silently from the darkening skies. They settled around her as the car sped down the highway, and the sight helped calm her. She shivered, suddenly realizing that the temperature outside the warm cocoon of the car was dropping as daylight receded. It was a good thing she’d taken Peter’s advice and packed some heavy clothing. It was cold, despite the fact that it was already early March. Winter took longer to release its relentless grip on the north. Just as she was wondering where to find the road to Big Tree, her headlights bounced off a green sign, barely discernable in the gathering dusk. It informed her that the tiny town that Ben had retreated to was five kilometers away. Katherine could feel the tension start to build inside her again. What would Ben do when he saw who had come to interview him? She was prepared. He wasn’t. Not that she’d done much preparation, she thought ruefully. How could she prepare to meet the man who had once meant everything to her, even though he’d been engaged to her sister? It would be hard to face Ben, considering that one of the last times they were together he had held her tightly in his arms and fervently declared his love for her. Just the remembrance of it made her burn with feelings of excitement, and guilt. The guilt was for what they had done to Anna. They had let the passion that flamed between them at their first meeting burn out of control. They had become lovers, damning the consequences. And the consequences had been devastating. Just then, another sign loomed on the highway, indicating the turn for the town of Big Tree—population fourteen hundred—as the next left. Suddenly, Katherine had the burning urge to forget the whole thing. She wanted to keep driving; to get back as quickly as possible to the ordered existence she had managed to achieve since Ben had exited her life. Instead, she flipped on the left turn signal and pulled slowly off the main highway into the parking lot of a motel/restaurant complex. Turning off the ignition key with a hand that jerked nervously, she sat for a moment to try and collect herself. Finally, she opened her door and thrust unsteady legs to the ground. “Damn!” She cursed the jelly in her knees. She hoped she looked a lot calmer than she felt. Turning to retrieve her handbag from the car, she sensed a presence behind her. The hair on the back of her neck rose in warning, like a cat’s. “Hello, Katherine.” The quiet greeting came out of the now total darkness. “I was hoping it wouldn’t be you they sent.” She straightened up slowly and turned around to find Ben standing less than two feet behind her—within touching distance. Her head was at his chest level and she raised it slowly, trying to hide the hungry feeling that coursed through her as she gazed at his familiar face. There were subtle changes. He looked older, and a little tired. But the fatigue couldn’t disguise the strong line of his jaw or the prominent cheekbones. His lean face was more tanned than she remembered it, his thick straight hair a little longer. A sudden urge to run her fingers through it, to feel its softness again, almost overtook her. She clasped her hands tightly over the strap of her purse and forced herself to look into the eyes she knew to be a startling blue in the light of day. Thank heaven it was dark. At last, she found her voice. “Sorry to disappoint you Ben.” She spoke as quietly as he had and was gratified that she sounded so calm. “So you aren’t too thrilled to see me. Well, the feeling’s mutual. Peter and I had words over this interview. I lost, so here I am.” Ben watched her steadily for a moment, then nodded curtly. “Okay. You’ve made your point. You’d rather be anywhere else than here with me. Just for the record, I wasn’t happy about this thing either. Gordon pushed me into it, and now that I know you’re doing the job, I wish I’d hung up on him quicker.” So far the score was even. “We’ll go the rest of the way in my truck.” He indicated the huge purse slung over her shoulder. “Is that all you brought with you?” “Are you kidding?” asked Katherine. “I came prepared for this cold weather, although you clearly think I’m too stupid to manage that. All the bulkies take room.” She went around to the back of the car as she spoke and hauled out another case. “I’ll take that.” He reached out to relieve her of her burden and as she let go of the handle, her fingers brushed against the smooth skin of his tanned ones. The feeling that jolted through her like a lightning bolt took her breath away. This wasn’t going to be as easy as she’d hoped. She stood gazing at the hand now firmly gripping the handle of her case and vividly recalled the feel of calloused fingertips stroking her heated flesh. She shook her head sharply to dislodge the memory. “What’s the matter?” Ben was staring at her intently. “Nothing,” she answered, too quickly, wishing he wouldn’t watch her so closely. “I’m just tired from the trip up here. How much farther do we have to go?” She fell into step beside him as he headed for a dark green pick-up parked across the lot. As he unlocked the vehicle and put her case inside, she noticed a snowmobile in the back, surrounded by other gear. “Have you eaten yet?” he asked, ignoring her question. “No.” “We’ll get something here. It’s not much of a restaurant, but the food is good.” He took her by the arm and steered her in the direction of the diner. Once they were seated at an orange padded booth and the waitress had taken their order, Katherine rested her arms on the scratched arborite table and studied him. “You never answered me. How much farther is this cabin?” “It’s about another hour’s drive by truck and snowmobile,” he said finally. “Snowmobile!” She shuddered at the prospect of riding one of those contraptions after the day she’d already had. “Is that the only way we can get there?” “‘Fraid so.” He flashed his slightly crooked but entirely charming grin at her. He was serious. Katherine drooped visibly. “What’s wrong? Too tired?” Katherine stiffened her backbone. “No way.” She knew the weariness in her voice contradicted her stubborn words. She looked up and caught a flash of sympathy in the bright blue of Ben’s eyes, before he could mask his reaction. Just then, the waitress arrived with their coffee. Katherine lifted the cup to her lips and gratefully took a sip of the hot brew, hoping it would fortify her for the rest of the journey. Putting it down, she studied the inky darkness of its contents. Anything, so that she wouldn’t have to look at the man lounging easily across from her in the booth. His long legs were stretched out under the table, his feet almost brushing hers where they were tucked up under her seat. Nothing more was said, and after a few moments the silence became oppressive. “So,” she said brightly, “just what exactly are you searching for up here in the wilds of Northern Ontario?” The question sounded forced, even to her own ears. Ben sat straight up and angled his lean body closer to hers. “Who wants to know? You or the magazine?” “The magazine, of course.” “In that case, I’m not in the mood to answer questions right now.” The waitress chose that moment to place their meals in front of them. “Why don’t you just be a nice journalist and eat your burger?” he suggested mockingly. “If you’re really good, I might even pay for it. There’ll be lots of time for those kind of questions and answers later.” Katherine flashed him a furious look, but took his advice. It was apparent by his frame of mind that nothing would be accomplished right now. She might as well fill the gnawing hole in her stomach. She had just popped the last bite into her mouth when Ben rose and headed to the cash. By the time she caught up with him he was halfway to the motel office. “Hey! You could have at least said we were leaving!” She was running over the icy ground in order to keep pace with him. “Ben!” she snapped again. He stopped abruptly and she skidded to a halt beside him. “I realize you’re in a hurry, but give a person some warning will you?” She glanced at the neon sign flashing above a rickety aluminum door. “Do you have business here?” she inquired. “Definitely.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her through the door behind him. “Come on.” An uneasy feeling ran through Katherine as he dragged her into the tiny office. What game was he playing? Surely he wasn’t planning a cozy night for two in a double bed? Of course he wasn’t. That was absurd. She glanced at her watch. It was getting late, and the later it got the more tired she would be for the rest of the trip. “What are we doing in here?” she questioned, by now in a very bad temper. Would this day never end? Ben turned and looked at her hovering uncertainly by the door, a suspicious look on her face. He walked back to stand beside her, and seemed to carefully consider her question before answering calmly. “Haven’t you figured it out for yourself Kat? I’ve missed you these past six months. Especially in my bed. I thought, since it’s too late to head up to the cabin tonight, that we might as well make the most of this place. We can spend a comfortable night here. Together.” |